Letterman Runs Hands Through JRE's Hair

From the transcript of John Edwards' appearance tonight on the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN ...

Dave: “Yeah, yeah, well, good luck to you. What a grueling grind this is. And this is the second time now that you’ve been through this, first as vice president, now as a presidential nominee, or candidate, campaigning. Could I just mess your hair up a little bit?” (audience laughs)

Edwards: “You want to? Go ahead.”

Dave: “Do you mind?”

Edwards: “I don’t mind.”

Dave: “Has it ever been messed up?” (Edwards laughs; Edwards runs his hands through his own hair) “No, no.” (Dave runs his hands through Edwards hair, really messing it up, and Edwards, laughing, tries to mess up Dave’s hair; audience applauds) “Senator John Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. Good luck the rest of the way, thank you for being here.”

(Dave and Edwards shake hands. Then, Dave tries to fix Edwards’ hair; audience applauds)

Full interview after the jump.

DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOHN EDWARDS ON THE “LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN,” TUESDAY, JAN. 22

Dave: “How’s the campaign going so far from where you sit, where you stand?”

Edwards: “Well, I haven’t won yet.” (laughs)

Dave: “Yeah. Is that strategically where you wanted to be or do you think this is –“ (audience, Edwards laugh) “like, Rudy Giuliani has not even – you know, he’s waiting for Florida. I mean, will this work in your favor somehow?”

Edwards: “We certainly hope so.”

Dave: “What was about that melee like last night? What was that like? You were right there.”

Edwards: “It was easy being the – what I was trying to do was represent the grown-up wing of the Democratic Party last night.” (audience, Edwards laugh; audience applauds)

Dave: “But it was interesting because Barack was saying, in essence, that he’s campaigning against both Hillary and her husband. And I guess there’s something to that, huh?”

Edwards: “Well, the President likes to talk and he’s got a few opinions and he’s defending his wife. That’s not surprising.”

Dave: “And you were roundly cheered when you said, ‘You know, I am the adult here,’ whatever you said, made a funny joke, and it was true to some extent.” (audience laughs) “But I do think there’s something to seeing people petty bickering. I think there’s something to that. Do you think there’s any good from that or not?”

Edwards: “What good? No, I think there’s, actually, there is value in having real engagement on the issues. I think that’s worth something, because there are differences between the three of us on the issues and people need to know those differences. But when it gets down sort of in the ditch and it’s the little petty stuff, I mean, I don’t think it adds much.”

Dave: “But see, for a dumb guy like myself,” (audience laughs) “because irrespective of the view you have on the issues and the other two have on the issues, I don’t know the difference. I’m just that dumb, I couldn’t tell you the difference so I don’t mind seeing –“

Edwards: “Is that the ‘issues, schmissues’ you were talking about? (Edwards, audience laughs, applauds)

Dave (laughs): “Exactly right. ‘Issues, schmissues.’” (audience applauds)

Edwards (laughs): “How many times have you said that?”

Dave: “A million. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, Senator.” (audience laughs) “I wish I had a nickel. But I think it does – I mean, it’s fun to watch, you know, because you don’t know when somebody, you know, might take a swing at somebody else.” (audience laughs) “And I think in some ways it’s insightful.”

Edwards: “Well, it’s interesting. I think the debate last night was actually very interesting. You know, when there’s engagement, it’s interesting. When it’s just boring, droning on, people have trouble paying attention.”

Dave: “And how do the three of you get along now? You’ve spent – boy, this campaign is just fatiguing isn’t it? How do you do that?”

Edwards: “It is. Which one do you want me to answer, is it fatiguing or how do we get along?”

Dave: “Well, take a pick. We’ll get to them all, don’t worry.”

Edwards: “How do we get along? We can’t stand each other.” (audience, Edwards laugh; audience applauds)

Dave: “Now, let’s say that you’re the Democratic nomination for President, who of the two would you choose for Vice President? Or, is there another person that we don’t know that you would choose for Vice President?”

Edwards: “Well, they’re both good people. I would consider both of them, but there are other people too.”

Dave: “Really? So, in the back of your mind, if I broke into your hotel tonight – and I’ve tried.” (audience laughs)

Edwards (laughing): “That’s really scary, by the way.” (audience laughs)

Dave (laughing) “Yeah, I know. And you’re sound asleep and I wake you up and I said, ‘All right, who’s your Vice President?,’ what name comes out?”

Edwards: “David Letterman.” (audience cheers) “But remember, you just woke me up and you’re standing there, hovering over my bed.” (audience laughs)

Dave: “Yeah, that’s right, yeah.”

Edwards (laughing): “I’d probably be a little scared in that situation.” (audience laughs)

Dave: “Well, you make a point there. ‘Oh my God, it’s that guy from TV.’” (audience laughs) “And then your old buddy John Kerry endorsed Obama. How did that make you feel? Boy, politics is tough, isn’t it?”

Edwards: “It is tough. John Kerry is a good man, and he, I think, would have been a good President – would have been a heck of a lot better than the guy we’ve got right now, I can tell you that.” (audience applauds) “But people do things for different reasons. I think he likes Sen. Obama and respects him.”

Dave: “Did you call him up and say, ‘John, what was that all about?’”

Edwards (laughing): “I’m not telling.” (audience laughs)

Dave: “And, of course, Barack Obama also has endorsements from Oprah Winfrey. This is – I love Oprah Winfrey.” (audience laughs) “It’s tremendous.”

Edwards: “I’m kind of thinking you can do for me what Oprah’s done for Barack.” (audience cheers, applauds)

Dave: “Okay. Okay.”

Edwards: “That depends on whether you’ve got the guts to kind of get out there, you know?”

Dave: “But, you know, I mean, for a second, this really is the greatest example of democracy at work because Oprah is transcendent. She is more than a person who has a talk show. She’s admired and she’s beloved and she’s a role model for men and women all over the world now. And she’s done great work and now – “

Edwards: “You think you’re not?”

Dave (hysterically laughs): “Oh my God, he’s a funny guy, isn’t he?” (audience laughs) “Tell me a little bit about your feud with Bill O’Reilly. Now this is a tough guy. He’s been on the show a couple of times, and he’s a tough guy. Tell me, what’s going on there? What at the core of the feud?”

Edwards: “Well, the core of the feud is I’ve been talking about homeless veterans, and the fact that we have a couple hundred thousand homeless veterans. They have no place to sleep at night, they’re either in shelters – “

Dave: “This is embarrassing, isn’t it? Horribly embarrassing.”

Edwards: “It’s incredibly embarrassing for America, huge moral issue facing the country, and he kind of went on his show and said that I was exaggerating, making it up, and I think he got a lot of correspondence and a lot of homeless veterans have been calling him.”

Dave: “Well, you what I’ve noticed about Bill O’Reilly, and he’s a marvelous communicator, but he doesn’t really care much about telling the truth.” (audience laughs)

Edwards: “Yeah, I’ve noticed the same thing.”

Dave: “Very entertaining, and I like when he’s on the show, but if you say one thing – “

Edwards: “But most of what he says is crap.”

Dave: “I think you’re right. There you go, exactly.” (audience laughs; applauds) “I like how you think, Senator. So, now the primary, we’re down in your neck of the woods, South Carolina – you’re originally from South Carolina, right?”

Edwards: “I was born in South Carolina.”

Dave: “Born in South Carolina, and representing the state of North Carolina. So how do things look? It’s a weekend primary, right? Saturday?”

Edwards: “It’s this Saturday. I think we’ve got – I think we’ve got a pretty good chance. I mean, the biggest thing I’ve got going for me is I talk like this and I’m in South Carolina.” (referring to his Southern twang; audience laughs)

Dave: “And, so then, will that tighten things back up if you do well in South Carolina?”

Edwards: “I think this is a long haul. I mean, I think that there are three of us, it’s very hard for anybody to get to 50% when there are three of us taking a sizable chunk of the votes. I think it’s going to last a while.”

Dave: “Yeah, yeah, well, good luck to you. What a grueling grind this is. And this is the second time now that you’ve been through this, first as vice president, now as a presidential nominee, or candidate, campaigning. Could I just mess your hair up a little bit?” (audience laughs)

Edwards: “You want to? Go ahead.”

Dave: “Do you mind?”

Edwards: “I don’t mind.”

Dave: “Has it ever been messed up?” (Edwards laughs; Edwards runs his hands through his own hair) “No, no.” (Dave runs his hands through Edwards hair, really messing it up, and Edwards, laughing, tries to mess up Dave’s hair; audience applauds) “Senator John Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. Good luck the rest of the way, thank you for being here.”

(Dave and Edwards shake hands. Then, Dave tries to fix Edwards’ hair; audience applauds)