Last Call was born on 8/17/98, the day Bill Clinton testified to a grand jury and admitted he lied to the nation. Weighing in at about 500 words, it was apparently an easy delivery. Whisked off from the nursery, Last Call raised eyebrows right away, becoming DC's must-read afternoon briefing.
After the initial leadership of Eron Shosteck ('98-'00), Danielle Jones ('00-'07) took over as editor, presiding over the publication's fastest-growing and most hilarious years. With the help of assistant editors Dave Smith, Mike Memoli, and the publication's current comedic co-author, Holly Noe, Last Call has continued to put the memorable in momentary, the poetry in politics, and the snarky in scandal.
A big thanks to our part-co-author, part-co-conspirator readers; we hope to keep you laughing at Last Call for many more years to come.
WE HEAR:
On November 7, 2006, voters elected 10 new senators, Last Call envisioned that the '04 Senate freshman planned a "Things I Wish I Had Known" presentation for new members. Among the suggestions:
The singing senators don't consider "I don't sing" as an excuse for not joining.
Being seen with DC's shadow senator is social suicide.
If you haven't read the Constitution, Byrd can tell you how it ends.
If it's written on a yellowing computer paper-the kind with the perforated margins-- it's safe to assume it's a note from Ted Stevens.
If it's from Abramoff, it's not the thought that counts.
For Akaka, roll call votes are just a suggestion. For everyone else, attendance is required.
SWIZZLE STICKS (a few of our favorites through the years):
You think Katherine Harris asked her new campaign manger, "where do you see yourself in 3 weeks"? (11/17/05).
We're worried DC's new smoking law is just a new way for Marion Barry to get arrested (1/05/06).
Sen. George Allen failed to tell Congress about his stock options -- presumably because his mom just told him about those too (10/8/06).
Until he chest-butts someone, Tom DeLay just won't feel like he's ended his career on the right note (7/19/06).
Cheney wanted to send Harry a little something, but Vermont Teddy Bear doesn't have a "Sorry I Shot You In The Face" bear (2/12/07).
The heat this week broke records. But the thermostat was on steroids (8/9/07)
Okay, after that debate it's official: NPR could make cocaine fall asleep (12/5/07).
Does anyone else suspect Obama's touring PA by train just for the remote possibility of getting to save a white, rural, blue-collar Jewish guy tied to the tracks? (4/17/08).
While Obama is out of the country, Hillary Clinton has proclaimed herself "Acting Presumptive Nominee" (7/21/08).
All anybody's talking about today are McClellan and Auschwitz, which, come to think of it, sounds like a trusted local law firm (5/28/08).
When he writes his memoir, Bush plans to use not just a ghost-writer, but possibly a ghost-rememberer (6/10/08).
SHOT AND CHASER (a few of our favorites through the years):
SHOT . . .
"When governors speak from this podium, they ordinarily discuss a range of issues. But these are not ordinary times. We have one overriding task before us. We must come together to create new jobs and get our economy back on track" -- CA Gov. Gray Davis' State of the State speech (1/8/03).
. . . CHASER
"When presidents speak to the Congress and the nation from this podium, they typically comment on the full range of challenges and opportunities that face us. But these are not ordinary times. For all the many tasks that require our attention, one calls on us to focus, unite, and act. Together, we must make our economy thrive once again" -- Bill Clinton's State of the Union speech (2/18/93).
SHOT . . .
"The questionnaire that she filled out is an important questionnaire, and obviously they will address the questions that the senators have in the questionnaire - or as a result of the answers to the questions in the questionnaire" - Bush, at today's presser (10/20/05).
. . . CHASER
"At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it" - Principal ("Billy Madison," 1995).
SHOT . . .
"I have a cameo role in the movie America's Sweethearts, opening Friday. That said, it is one of the funniest comedies to come down the pike in years" -- Larry King (7/16/01).
. . . CHASER
"Put aside the fact that I make a cameo appearance in the film Dave. Ivan Reitman's latest ... is one of the funniest movies to come down the pike in a long, long time" -- King (4/26/93).
. . . CHASER
"Even though I appear as myself in the coming film Crazy People you'll have to take my objective view that it's one of the funniest movies to come down the pike in a long, long time" --King (3/19/90).
SHOT . . .
"Obama mum on Spitzer, likes eggs 'scrambled hard'" ("The Swamp," 3/11/08).
. . . CHASER
"I have a way of dealing with that" -- "Kristen" (New York Times, 3/11/08).
SHOT...
"If you don't have any self-control, we can deal with that" -- Bill Clinton, to a "heckler" (10/23/07).
. . . CHASER
"Florida Finds Taser Use Was OK" ("Washington Wire," 10/24/07).
(NORA MCALVANAH).